Red Sox advance to World Series, Roger Clemens rolls over in his grave

In Sunday night’s game 7 of the ACLS, Boston beat the Cleveland Indians 12-2 to clinch the American League pennant and move on to a World Series matchup with the red-hot Colorado Rockies. Cleveland had led the series three games to one and looked poised to eliminate the Sox, but Boston outscored Cleveland 30-5 and never fell behind in emphatically winning the final three games.

I’m not sure how the Red Sox managed to pull this one off, but I was impressed. Or, more accurately, I would be impressed if all these donkey tranquilizers allowed me to experience emotions. I had predicted that the Indians would win the series because Boston is, well, cursed. Don’t tase me just because I was wrong. Everyone knows hindsight is 50-50.

Hopefully Boston will choke in the World Series, giving me freedom to write funny material about them on my site, which will draw readers, which will make me rich, which will allow me to retire so I never have to sit behind this bench with my gavel and decide the guilt or innocence of strangers again. Seriously, being a judge sucks. I should have listened to my mom and became a dogwalker. Picking up poop isn’t so bad.

^ Me


3 Responses to “Red Sox advance to World Series, Roger Clemens rolls over in his grave”

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