In a rare clubhouse interview yesterday, the always-controversial Boston slugger Manny “I’m Aloof, Which Makes Me Cool” Ramirez made a statement that raised some eyebrows.
Why should we panic? We’ve got a great team. … It doesn’t happen, so who cares? There’s always next year. It’s not like it’s the end of the world.
“Wait ‘Til Next Year”, a phrase practically patented by the Chicago Cubs, is not what Red Sox fans want to hear from their $17,000,000 man before the end of this year. Granted, the BoSox will probably lose the series; that’s what the BoSox do. The Indians have won three straight since Boston’s victory in the first game; historically, only 10 of the 65 MLB teams that were down 3-1 in a best-of-seven series have rallied to win three in a row. One of those teams, famously, was Manny’s 2004 Boston Red Rox club, who were eventual World Champions.
I’m not sure what Manny was thinking here. Of course there’s always next year, but after fifteen years in the majors, why hasn’t Manny learned to talk to the media by now? Just spout some clichés such as “We’ve got to play them one game at a time”1 and “I’m going to give 110%”, and go home. If you say anything controversial, bloggers with no life and third-grade writing skills will write negative articles about you in hopes of infusing their dreadful existence with joy by dragging down someone much more accomplished than them. Or you’ll piss off your fans.
Hell, maybe Manny’s simply tired of playing baseball six days a week for eight months and just wants to relax and give some strippers a hot beef injection while drinking mojitos in Florida.2 Just don’t say that.
I’m an Atlanta Braves fan, so at this point in the season I wouldn’t care if Hugh Hefner bought the Red Sox and let Playboy’s Girls Next Door3 play middle infield for the next game against Cleveland. However, if I were a Boston fan, I might be a little upset by Manny’s remarks.
1 This seems obvious. Playing more than one game at a time would be a logistical nightmare.
2 If you ever do this, lock up your shit. Strippers steal.
3 Yes, this is a completely unnecessary sentence so I could print a picture of hot girls. But now your weiner is thanking me, isn’t it? Tell your weiner I said, “You’re welcome. You’re welcome, random weiner.”
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